Acceptance

Acceptance can be one of the hardest things to achieve (as well as dedication, like my last post). Whether accepting others or yourself, it can be really hard. However, I think that accepting yourself is especially difficult.

From children to adults, we are subjected to countless ads advertising products to “make us better.” With this mentality, it’s hard not to think “what’s wrong with me and how can I fix it?”

Because of all this comparison, it can be hard to accept yourself for who you are. After all, how can you accept yourself when you’re too busy buying products to make yourself better.

You have to accept yourself for who you are, like I've accepted my love for High School Musical & the fact that I'll do the jump anywhere.

You have to accept yourself for who you are, like I’ve accepted my love for High School Musical & the fact that I’ll do the jump anywhere.

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I mean, I’m a big fan of makeup, but if you’re putting it on just because you think it’ll make you better, even if you don’t like it, then you should probably put some more effort into accosting yourself rather than improving your makeup application.

And how exactly are you supposed to go about this? Of course, we can’t just get companies to stop advertising things. As terrible as it sounds, making people feel the need to buy a product based on their insecurities is a company’s job. So we’re going to have to find another way to make it easier to accept yourself and others. One way to do this is a lot of disciplining yourself to stop comparing yourself to others. This can be super hard can it’s super easy to get discouraged, but with a lot of practice, I think it’s definitely possible.

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Chaos

Well the school is finally winding down to the end, only three weeks to go. I survived AP testing, my SAT, and most of color guard season, now I just have finals and my ACT. So sounds like a great time to move out of my house for six weeks, or not.

Okay its not like we are just randomly moving out of our house for six weeks. There was a leak that caused a lot of damage to the first floor, so while they fix it my family and i are living in a hotel. Sounds nice right, a hotel with free breakfast, a maid, and a pool for 6 weeks. Well, in our house we had my dad who works from home, my brother who is currently studying to get his masters at UCI, my older sister who is home from college for the summer, my younger sister, my mom, me, and a dog. So a hotel for six weeks is not exactly ideal, but we are making it work.

I think the hardest part for all of us is that it threw a wrench into our typical routine. Human beings love routine, everyone has their typical routine from what time they wake up in the morning to when they go to sleep at night. And now we are being forced to change our daily routine to accommodate a longer drive to and from school, being spread out in three hotel rooms, and not having the freedom you have in your own house. While it has been difficult we have been able to make it work so far.

We have only been here for a week, so we still have a ways to go, but we are finding ways around the problems. For example family dinners while everyone is spread out in three kind of small hotel rooms is not easy, but we figured it out. So while this time of the school year may not have been the best point to have a huge change like this, we are all working together to make it as easy a s possible.

the desk when we first arrived

the desk when we first arrived

So Close, Yet So Far

After going through three weeks of May, the hardest part is finally over: AP tests. For me, I felt like I did the best that I could and I don’t think I would go back and change anything (maybe after I check my scores in July). Back in middle school at this time, we were doing absolutely nothing and I really missed that. Not because I’m THAT lazy to do a bit more work but I just think we’ve done ENOUGH work for the year (hello AP US History), do some FUN activities and wrap up the year.

Have you ever ran a mile and felt like it was never going to end? This is me. I’m at this point where I’m burnt out and all my creativity is slowing oozing out its last juices. There are exactly 13 slow, painful days of school. I’m not saying it like I won’t miss my friends and peers and teachers, but let’s just say I can do without them for a while. So many things went on for April and May, both physically, intellectually, and emotionally, that I didn’t have much time to preserve some precious time for myself. Too many things to see, to watch, and to hear. Yet not enough time. When was the last time I laid down and read a book I really enjoyed? When was the last time I could slept at 10 pm and woke up at 8AM? When was the last time I could last without a nap after school? When was the last time that school didn’t keep me up until 1AM? Although these were certainly tougher times of school, I must admit that I have it a LOT easier than most of my peers who are way more involved than I am. But we all put a lot of efforts into our work, so regardless everyone should receive the same credits.

The reason why I’m really excited for school to be over is because I’m looking forward to the future: summer and Senior year! I realized how much I can’t remember about the summer lifestyle. The laidback schedule, the spontaneous adventures, but also the occasional boring days where Netflix is your friend. But I think that’s part of any life cycle-that fun nights will fill you up but the dull days will have you appreciate the times when you are enjoying yourselves.

Prom: That One Night (That I had no stress)

Prom: That One Night (That I had no stress)

Find Your Face

I feel as if, at this age in particular, every one lives under a mask. Or many to be exact. We all have a personality we want others to see and believe is true. Yet, if we were to bring them aside, away from everyone else, they would act completely different. Maybe this is occurring because social media is pushing everyone to show their “true” and “best” personality to the world, or maybe not. Either way, I am sick of everyone blaming social media for everything, I want to go deeper. Why is it that people believe that they need to act a certain way in front of one person and another to the next? Why do people repeat the phrase “be yourself” and then do the complete opposite? And most importantly, how do we know the face beneath the mask? I am asking all this because I don’t know the answer to any of this. I would love to say that there is a simple explanation for all of it. But I know better. You know what, maybe there is no mask. Maybe we all just have many sides to us that we haven’t explored yet. Maybe we need to display all the different sides before we can finally “be ourselves”. And maybe even after that… maybe we are all a collection of our different masks.

mask

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AP Testing Aftermath

APs have ended and now all the students can finally relax. This year, I had my AP Bio and AP English exam. I didn’t really study for english because there wasn’t really a way to study besides learning big words. I studied for bio a lot. I read over the concepts, the labs, and the projects I did in the past. I was nervous because my bio test was first. I guess I didn’t have to be that nervous because I felt pretty confident that I passed with at least a 3. English on the other hand, I didn’t study and I’m pretty sure I’m on the borderline of a 2 or 3. I’m just hoping that the people that grade my test give me mercy.

Now that testing is over, I can relax in bio because there’s nothing else to learn. We have finished one movie about heart surgery and we just finished watching Interstellar yesterday. I didn’t watch the beginning but it is still a really good movie. English however, we are still doing work. We just started Catcher in the Rye and I’m a little behind but it’s a good book. I’m hoping to catch up this weekend. We are doing a College and Career Project where we write our resumes, respond to the UC entrance essay prompts, and write our goal statements. I kind of have trouble with it but I can manage getting through this project. Other than those two classes, everything’s pretty normal. Even though AP testing may be over, the classes might not be.

AP BIO PICMichelle

Dedication

Dedication is one of the most valuable assets anyone can have, but it’s also extremely hard to acquire. It can only be achieved over a long period of time, during which the person must consistently work hard. You have to go through a lot of trials to become dedicated because dedication is about continuing to work hard despite not wanting to or being tired of whatever you’re doing.

Dedication is not simply joining a club and attending all the meetings. It’s going to all the events you can, applying for board, and continuing to attend meetings, events, and be active in the club despite difficulties and/or lack of interest. This makes perseverance a major factor in becoming dedicated; the drive to keep working hard even when you might not want to. In fact, dedication means continuing to do your best especially when you don’t want to.

But, don’t be discouraged. I think that being dedicated can seem daunting and a big task that can consume your time and energy. But once you’ve got it, you’re stuck with it. As long as you keep on doing what you’ve been doing, it’s hard to un-dedicate yourself.

The 2014 Cappies Gala, where we won best team.

The 2014 Cappies Gala, where we won best team.

So despite all the struggles on the road to dedication, the pay off is huge. Last year, for example, my school’s Cappies team (which I’m on) won the best team award. The reason we won wasn’t because we were the most talented, although we did have some very gifted writers, it was because we were dedicated: to theatre, writing, and to excelling in the Cappies program.

Uncomfortable Success

Every year around May, high school students are going CRAZY. We are not sane people at this emotional roller coaster segment of the semester. Since high school started, I don’t remember a year where it wasn’t busy, stressful, UNCOMFORTABLE, uneasy, and an emotional wreck around this month. But I do remember that, no matter how hard or nervous I feel, I should learn to accept the results because I tried my best, regardless if it turned out as a failure, a semi-success, or a definite success (But knowing summer is RIGHT around the corner doesn’t hurt either!!!). Also, one failure..or two..will not define your future either!

What goes down around May is usually this:

  1. AP classes are winding down (or speeding up!) to their last chapters. Students are still in their Spring Break slumber so coming right back from break is not an easy task. Most of us should’ve started studying for the AP exam during Spring break…but who actually succeeded in doing that honestly? I had an APUSH test the following Monday I returned from break, so already my rollercoaster is going straight down with full force. Like I said before, after classes are finished with their curriculum, it’s time to review this sh!t..which really only leave two weeks of studying before the actual day of the test. Considering it’s history and there’s a LOT that goes on AND most of us didn’t review over break…no one is relaxing at ALL. Also, the way we’re reviewing our material is by splitting up into nine groups (this isn’t a “project” really, but if there’s presenting of any sort, it’s a group project to me).
  2. Magically around this time, good ole GROUP projects start popping up! The timing is almost too perfect right now. I have a “Job Fair” group project for Spanish. A two-ish minute presentation on Tuesday comin’ up.
  3. Normal tests from normal classes. Thankfully since I am in a normal Precalculus class, I am chillin’ with a 99.4% and I cANNOT express how great it is to not stress over math. Amen to my amazing teacher. However, I do have chem to care for and you can’t tell me chemistry is easy. Right now, I am struggling with a 86.2% and I am praying to the gods that maybe..just maybe the FINAL will be a piece of cake so that I will magically pass with an A in the class, not that I would cry if I get a B in the class though.
  4. Art- This class is literally “arts and crafts” at this point..but TIME CONSUMING arts and crafts. So now I ALSO have to spend a small portion trying to catch up. We’re doing Piet Mondrian inspired collage.

If I look at this list, it isn’t THAT crazy, but this isn’t over a long span of time, it’s ALL in the span of 2-3 weeks. I am already a nervous person as it is because I sort of fear failure. To be honest, I hate the nature of the AP tests, which is why I get nervous and uncomfortable before I take it. First of all, why does it cost so much? Personally, because I know I’m paying this amount of money for a single test, I feel pressured to do well. I’m not rich (although I will be later on) so it’s sort of a burden on me. Secondly, why is the test SO long???? Sitting to do a test that long is basically trying to kill someone, me specifically. The test is on average about three hours. Lastly, it should just be a “passed or failed” thing. Like really, does it matter if someone gets a 1 or 2? They still failed regardless. Plus, it only makes that person feel worse.

Collegeboard needs to chill out..so that I could chill out too.

Logical way of curing your stress.  Photo @2007 by K. Latham (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

Logical way of curing your stress.
Photo @2007 by K. Latham (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)

Sorry doesn’t always fix the mistake

Grab a plate and throw it on the ground.
-Ok, Done.
Did it break?
-Yes.
Now say sorry to it.
-Sorry.
Did it go back to the way it was before?
-No
Do you understand?

A lot of you have probably read or heard this before, because it has circulated the internet especially social media for a while. But, many people do not even think twice about it when they read it.

Sorry is very commonly used word, but in reality it has lost its real meaning. There are so many people that say sorry because they know they are supposed to even if they do not mean it. This has caused the word to not really mean anything anymore.

The short dialogue at the beginning of this blog post talks about breaking a plate, comparable to the person that was hurt in whatever the situation was, and how saying sorry does not fix the plate. This is very true. A lot of people say sorry when they do something that hurts someone else and they think that just because they apologized that everything will go back to the way it was, and that is just not how it works. But, they have the idea that sorry makes everything better, so sometimes instead of learning from their mistake they think it is not that big of a deal because if they hurt you again then they can just say sorry again.

At some point everyone is on the receiving of something that really hurts them whether it’s a comment or an action. And when the person that said it or did it apologizes you still don’t feel better. Even though the person say that they are sorry it does not make whatever they did go away. Even if you know that it was something they said in the heat of the moment because they were angry about something, you still remember the comment they made or the thing they did. And your relationship with that person will never be the same.

So next time you are angry make sure to stop and think. Because if you just say the first thing that comes into your mind you could hurt someone. And just like the plate saying sorry might not fix it every time.

[Photo@2012 by Nancy (CC BY 2.0)]

Writer from Within

This year, I started considering myself a writer through doing these blog posts for TLC, MD. It started out as a weekly requirement for AP English to post something, anything of our writing to our art. I often dreaded the deadlines because I often procrastinated. However, in the times I did not procrastinate, I found myself spilling my thoughts and emotions into the writing in order to write something relatable or something of great meaning. I found a purpose to write and share my story with others. I read works from many writers with works of their own, sharing their stories and experiences, some stories about the importance of writing to them. I found an importance in writing itself, for it was a stress relieving hobby in which I found something deeper. It influenced me to make my own goal, to write everyday- and write where it hurts the most. In the moments that one writes from where it hurts the most, the cliche is broken and the writing is instantly more real. My goal is to write everyday in the summer, whether it be a quote, a story, or a spoken word poem. Like a famous line says, “The pen is mightier than the sword”. Tell a story instead of spreading gossip. Spread words of wisdom instead of spreading trash talk. Change the world with a pen. That is my goal.

AP 2015 _5

Baron Games

Baron games is a day were the whole school becomes united separately. Its pretty funny actually. Half of the school’s population is dressed in blue and half in yellow/gold. People go all out on this day. Walking to your next class, you would see a girl dressed in a yellow tutu, a boy dressed in a blue onesie and a teacher dressed in both yellow and blue. People would have face paint on, thunder sticks in their hands, and laughter in their voice. The school would be filled with decorations and a bunch of balloons. The aspect I love most about FVHS is the amount of pride we have, not only for our school, but for each other. Because although we are separated between blue and yellow, we have fun together all the same.

Then finally, during third period class, do you finally hear the sounds. Ear screeching screams roaring from inside every students soul. Chants like, ¨Barons are you ready ready? Yeah were ready ready!¨ would sound all the halls. The bass from the music would be vibrating through your body and synchronize with your heart. At that time, when everyone is sitting down, together, chanting the same chants, and feeling the same feelings, do I feel at home.

#Barons #BaronforLife #BaronGames #family

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